Yes, you heard it right! I don’t regret it.. Why should I waste my life with a person, who thinks marriage is just a job? Just because of the social taboos? I even felt to end my life, when I discovered that I have been married to such a person, who thinks his wife to be his personal property, which he can use anytime and every time. I didn’t know how to face the society since this society intervenes too much in our personal lives. But then, I just couldn’t end up my life. I, somehow gathered all the courage to struggle for life and I fought back. I fought back for my life. And, today, I am free and happy, working with my new business venture, all set towards my new life.
The real story starts here. It was then, when I just completed my diploma in management with flying colors that my parents started looking for prospects for me. I was also excited. However, I was a bit nervous about the whole concept of arranged marriage. And then, my parents set me up with this guy. He was staying in some other city. And, in just 4 months of courtship, I was married to the guy. During the period of courtship, he was very humble, cool and simple. But, as soon as we were married, it all started.
Since it was an arranged marriage and we were from different cities, we were definitely not much acquainted with each other. And, especially, when it comes to sexual involvement, it requires a lot of comfort level and romance. All I asked was a bit of time from him to get along with each other to be comfortable in each other’s presence. But, he refused to give me the space. Instead, right on the day after the wedding, he started convincing me forcibly. I tried to explain him and all I asked was some time. But, he was in so much hurry that he said he won’t be able to wait. And I, being his wife, it’s his RIGHT to get involved with me sexually and it’s my RESPONSIBILITY to let him get involved with me. I felt so pathetic that how could I marry such a guy with so cheap thoughts. I told him that marriage isn’t just about rights, responsibilities and sexual involvement. It’s about mutual respect, love, trust and romance as well. He said “Ok. Take your time.”
I was happy that my husband understood me. I thought, we would be happy together. And then suddenly, I discovered this chat in his phone. I was shattered.
His Friend: F*ck Her. She’s your wife.
He: It’s easier said than done, dude.
I was shocked. How could a husband discuss such things about his own wife and that too, with a friend? But, I couldn’t gather the courage to ask him about this. I didn’t know what to do. I was in all tears. I started thinking what’s marriage?
And, then I asked him one day about his thoughts, when he brought me to his home. His answer left me speechless. He said, he thought that he’s bringing a roommate with him. I didn’t know what to do. He had absolutely no feelings. Then, I asked him that why did he get married to me. And, the answer was because his parents wanted him to settle down and get married. Though he didsn’t like the company of girls all throughout his life, but, he had to do it to respect his parent’s decision. All I could do was hear him silently. I wasn’t in a position to speak. I couldn’t tell these to my parents. Because, my parents love me a lot. And, how would they take that the apple of their eyes was in such a situation? I started feeling so lonely. I was confused. The only thought that was haunting me was how to spend my whole life with such a person, who thinks marriage is just a job, who thinks his wife to be his roommate and nothing more and who does such filthy conversations about his own wife with his friend.
My parents had taught me over the years that in a marriage, we should respect each other and stand with each other, no matter how bad the situation is. I’d seen some of my friends leading their married life. I felt so helpless. He used to force on me every night. All I could do was defend myself to protect me and fight for my own self. How could I let my physical self be lost to such a person, who had no respect for me at all?
And then one night, this happened. He told me that he had suffered from a mental disorder, some months prior to the marriage. He was severely medicated. He was even operated. But, neither he nor his family disclosed about this whole incident to me or my family prior to marriage. This was yet another shock to me. Mental disorder?? Really? Then, why did his parents not disclose this fact before marriage? It was an arranged marriage. Right?? And, this is completely a case of fraudulence. I needed help. At one side, I thought that it’s my marriage. And, being an Indian girl, I was thinking that I must save my marriage. But, being an educated person, I couldn’t take such lies and fraudulence.
When I was in the midst of such dilemma, one fine morning, his mom called me up to give a lecture on my responsibility towards my husband. That, I should give my body to my husband, because it’s his RIGHT. How could a mom say such stuffs? I couldn’t take this anymore. My husband discussing the bedroom situation with his parents?
There’s absolutely no privacy at all. There’s no love. no respect, no understanding, no honesty and now, no privacy. I decided to talk to him. This way, no relationship can proceed. And, when I told him clearly about the situation, he said he understood it through and through. It was his mistake. And, would definitely rectify it. I was somehow relieved that atleast he understood this time. I got a ray of hope that we could lead a good life. But, the next morning, when I woke up, I found myself locked in my room. He was nowhere. It was 6 AM in the morning. I tried reaching him on his phone. His phone was busy. He locked me inside a room and went out to discuss the entire thing with his parents and friends. I was terribly shocked.
That day, I decided to move out. There was nothing left there. Absolutely no respect, privacy and trust. And on the top of that, elders of the family discussing about my bedroom life, my private life. I couldn’t take it further. I understood very clearly that I won’t be able to live in such a family. I could never call such people my family. He even threatened me that I should better accept him as my husband and stay with him rather moving out. Because, the society has absolutely no place for single woman. I know it was difficult. But, I couldn’t just end my life staying with such an idiot. My parents have worked very hard all throughout the life to raise me as a gold medalist in MBA.
It’s extremely painful to move out of the marriage, even when the mehendi in my hands was still there. It was pathetic. But, I had to do. All I was thinking that time was to get some fresh air to breathe. I desperately needed my life back. And, I am thankful to my family and some of my friends, who stood by me through and through in my STRUGGLE FOR LIFE. I thank God for protecting me completely from such a scoundrel and giving me my life back. It was an incident, which occurred to me. A horrifying incident indeed. But, I don’t blame anybody. I feel lucky to fight through it. And, I don’t repent it absolutely.