Me: Why Don’t You understand that we need some time for ourselves?
She: What time? I have my own responsibilities.
Me: So, Do I? But what about us? What about our spark? Our relationship is heading nowhere. Think about it.
She: I have nothing to think. This is how a marriage is bound to be. Marriage is all about rights and responsibilities.
Me: Where is our love?
She: Oh! What love? Love is all about rights and responsibilities.
We have heard many women sharing their stories on their fight for life. But, it’s not only women, many a time, even a man has to go through a lot to survive in life. And, he can’t even speak about his miseries because in many nations, even today, there’s no strong law for safeguarding the well-being of a man. It’s not always the man, who’s wrong. It’s not always the woman, who suffers. Let’s hear it out from this man, who has tried hard to make his marriage work for almost 10 years, but failed miserably. He can’t even go for divorce because his wife blackmails him with committing suicide. What shall he do? How shall he live? Give him some air to breathe. Let’s hear it out from him in his own voice.
It all started when I was 24. I met this girl in a hospital with her mom. She was there for her mom’s medical treatment. Her mom was suffering from cancer. And, I was there with my mom. My mom was to undergo a tumor operation. We were all tensed. When, suddenly my eyes stroke hers. And, it all started. We were young. We gossiped. We shared our cup of teas and even food sometimes. We started liking each other’s company. And then, soon, we became friends. Not the best of friends, though. But, there was an attraction. And, then, I realized that I have started dating her. Soon when my mother recovered and it was time to leave the hospital, I proposed her. It was almost 30 days we were together. She accepted my proposal. And, we headed towards our respective hometowns.
I started with my work again. And, I started with my new relationship with her. Though, we were in a long distance relationship, but many thanks to the mobile services of the nation. We were flying in cloud 9. Within a year, there were a lot of misunderstandings and conflicts in our relationship. We understood that we are very different and our thoughts hardly match. I tried explaining several things to her. She understood all of them. But only for two days. On the 3rd day, she was all the same. Things were not like the way it were before. But, we thought that it’s the long distance, which is the hurdle. And, things will be better once we start living together. And, this way almost 2 years passed. We were in a committed relationship. When suddenly she informed me that her family is setting her up for marriage. We both were tensed. I talked to my family. But, my family was strictly against us. She spoke to her family. Her family was also against us. And, the issue was caste difference. But, we didn’t give up. We started convincing our respective families. After a lot of struggle, finally they were convinced. Our marriage date was fixed. We were very happy. We were on the top of the world. We were so excited that we got involved physically. Though, I wasn’t much in favor of sex before marriage, I didn’t resist myself that day. I loved her. And, I would marry her. And, so we went for it. But, even after the marriage was fixed, there were a lot of misunderstandings and arguments between us. But, that time, I decided to forget everything and concentrate on our marriage.
Finally, we were married. 6 months went happily. And then, it all started. The moment we were alone in our room, she started complaining about everybody in my family. After work, when I wished to spend some quality time only with her, she brought up topics on family issues and complained about anything and everything. There was no talking about ourselves. She didn’t have anything to talk about ourselves. “We” were nowhere in her mind. I tried to understand her. I thought, maybe she was too much pressurized with the household chores, which have made her tensed. I even talked to my family and tried explaining them that she is new to our house so that everybody co-operates. But, my family is very co-operative. And, they had no issues with her at all.
Then, I thought of taking her out on a vacation to change her mind. But, I was shocked. All throughout the vacation, she simply complained and nagged about anything and everything. It was as if she was at no fault. And, my family is all at fault. I even explained her that it’s no more my family only. It’s our family. She understood it. I was happy. But, suddenly after two days, she started it all over again. I was very depressed. But, I didn’t give up. Every time I tried to explain her, make her understand that in a marriage, there will be responsibilities. But, that doesn’t mean that there will be no time as a couple at all. I explained her that it’s very important to keep the romance and love alive in a relationship. Marriage isn’t just an occasion and a piece of paper. It’s more than that. But, she pointed errors in that too. Every night, when we were in bed, the only things that were there were complaints and regrets. I started feeling miserable.
I always used to think what could make her happy. She was my top priority. Her happiness was all that I wanted. I also took her to visit her mom and family often. She used to smile very cheerfully there. She had no complaints at all there. But, whenever she was back to our home, she started.
One night she even told me to get separated from my family. I couldn’t believe it. How could I leave my mom, my younger sister and brother? What had they done? My dad wasn’t there. Who should take care of them? And, most importantly, I love my mom, sister and brother as much as I love her. I explained her that being the eldest son of the family, it’s my responsibility to be with them in sickness and health and being the eldest daughter-in-law of the family, it’s her responsibility to make the bonding strong as well. But, all these were of no use.
Gradually, she even started complaining about me, my looks, my dress, my friends, my work, my finances, my expenses, my savings.. about every little thing. I tried to explain her that family is all about little compromises, love and understanding. But, she was very adamant and extremely arrogant. She thought that she’s never wrong. She never understood other’s feelings and situations. She only thought about herself.
This way two years passed, when our families started pressurizing us for a baby. I wasn’t ready. I was not sure about our marriage. I wasn’t happy with her at all. I wasn’t sure where it was heading. Family is just not a responsibility, right? It’s all about love and understanding. There was no love left there. And, no understanding at all. Then, she also insisted that we must have a baby. She started blackmailing me emotionally that I don’t love her and I don’t have feelings for her. And then I thought that a woman is transformed once she embraces motherhood. I thought my wife will also understand emotions, once she has her own baby. I hoped that may be things can be better with my baby. And then, she conceived. And, after 9 months, my baby boy was born.
We all were so happy. I felt as if I can live again. But, my happiness vanished only in some 10 days as she started to heal. There was no sign of transformation in her. Instead, things worsened. After I came back from work at night, every night I had to stay awake for my baby, the whole night. And, she just slept. She didn’t wake up even once when the baby cried. My mom and my brother used to be awake at times to take care of my baby so that I can grab some rest. But, she had absolutely no feelings and sense. And, when I tried explaining her about my situation that I have been up all day at work, I need to sleep atleast for a few hours at night, she pointed me that it’s my responsibility to look after my baby for the whole night since I couldn’t stay with him the whole day. I thought, she was my better half. But what better was she? Is she a Bitter Half? I felt miserable. When I understood her so much, I expected her to understand me a bit. I wanted to love her. I wanted to be loved by her. But, there was nothing except frustration and sufferings from my end. I couldn’t understand how could a mother behave like this? How could a woman be like this? I started blaming myself for choosing her as my life partner.
My baby started growing. Days passed. There were arguments, conflicts and fighting always. I even tried to bring back the romance in our lives. I took her and my baby to outings. But, there also she started with all these issues. We used to fight with each other in front of our baby wherever we went. I have heard about the importance of sex in relationships. I even tried that. But, for her, it was only physical satisfaction and pleasure. There was no sign of love anywhere. I felt horrible, shattered. I couldn’t take her anymore in my life. One day, I decided to leave my house. I thought may be a little distance would make her feel my value in her life. I never went away from my responsibilities. I visited them once weekly. But, I stayed away from her. I wanted some peace. I wanted some solace in my life. I didn’t know what to do. And, whenever I told her about divorce, she started blackmailing me saying she would commit suicide. I never expected such marriage. I never dreamt of such wife. I had a beautiful dream.
But, what shall I do? I can’t lead my life with the woman anymore. And, she has made me away from my own son, my mom and my family. I don’t know what to do. I feel I am trapped. I made a huge mistake. And, the mistake was I married her. But, is there no recovery from the mistake? Can I never get my life back?