I don’t know how to write this. But what I’m going through is tremendous pain. I am completely broken. May be shattered into pieces. Don’t know if I should console myself or should give up on my life this time. Trust me, I am getting no courage further to fight back. May be I can never ever rise up this time.
Life has never been a bed of roses for me. There have been a lot of ups and downs in life. Rather, there have been a lot of downs in my life and only some small ups. But, every time I fought back. But, this time I really ask God, why is it always me? and How much more? Am I that very bad? Do I not deserve one percent of happiness and peace in my life? It’s very painful to go through these again and again and again and again. It feels pathetic.
This has been the third time that I trusted. And, again I was betrayed. It was only in the first 6 months of the relationship, I happened to find that my boyfriend is cheating on me. He has been in constant touch with his “so-called” ex girlfriend. The guy, who always speaks about trust, love, understanding is actually a fake?
When I was in bed fighting with high fever, he was busy chatting with his ex girl friend. Is this what a girl expects from his partner? Is this how a relationship should be? When I fall asleep at night, he chats with his ex girl friend. Rather it would be like he waits for me to fall asleep every night so that he can romance his ex gf. He comes to meet me and goes back to check if his ex gf is back in his town. He sits with me in a movie and thinks about when can he contact his ex gf. And this guy once told me that he can’t stand a second person in a relationship. I really am clueless about everything.
I just came to know all of it. I’m really not sure if that’s all really. But, this time I don’t know how to react. I feel like the whole world around me has fallen apart. A person can take one betrayal. But, how shall I take 3 in a single life? It may be a story for many of you. But, it’s a reality for me. I was betrayed again. Tears rolling down my cheeks. But, I’m not crying. I don’t even get the time to heal completely. And, it happens again. I never got the chance to grow. I really don’t know if I should ask him about why did he do this to me. Or, Shall I ask God? or Shall I ask myself? or Shall I completely leave this heavenly Earth? I’m totally confused.
What I feel from the bottom of my heart is that I am at fault. It’s me, who is responsible for all these. I loved him and gave him the chance to break my heart. Yes, I made the mistake of falling in love once again. I am the one, who is behind all my pain and sufferings. It’s me, who trusted him blindly. It’s perhaps only me, who should be blamed for everything and nobody else. IT’S ONLY ME!!!