“Wife: Let’s go and see a doctor
Husband: Don’t act too smart. Live with it.”
After I got married to the guy chosen by my family in an arranged marriage, I was looking forward for a beautiful and blissful married life. But, who knew that there was something else written in my destiny? I only asked for a peaceful normal life. But, this is what I received.
I am a lady of 35 years hailing from a mediocre family in a small town in India. I am a school teacher by profession and the only daughter to my lovely parents. I wished to make myself settled in my career first before concentrating on my personal life. I knew that it would be difficult to maintain harmony in life, if both professional and personal lives are uncertain. The moment I realized that I was settled in my career, I went for settling my personal life. I was 30 years old, when I opted for arranged marriage. After meeting some prospects, we finally decided to tie the nuptial knot with a guy. He was into research profession and seemed to be quite a calm and composed personality, much different from how I was. I was a bubbly girl. We all thought that he is the right guy to complement and balance me in every respect. I was very excited about getting married. I could see all my childhood dreams of marriage coming true. I was on the top of the world.
However, all my dreams came crashing down like a house of cards in just a few days. It was our wedding night. There was an air of excitement and a feeling of romance all around. But what happened was absolutely unimaginable. I happened to find out that my husband was not at all interested in me. He had absolutely no urge to be with me. Instead, he ignored me completely not only in the wedding night, but also in the many subsequent nights. I have always heard that couples look forward to the wedding night for long. It’s one special night in every couple’s life. And, I also had dreams involving my wedding night. I also wished it to be one of the most beautiful moments of my life. But, it was all gone. I couldn’t understand what was going on in his head. I knew that this wasn’t normal. I knew that there must be something in his mind for which he was absolutely reluctant about “US” starting a new life together. But, I didn’t say anything. I decided to give him some time.
Then we headed for our honeymoon trip. I was completely sure that during this trip, we would get some privacy, where we could get along with each other and all the barriers between us will definitely break. I was really looking forward for a beautiful, romantic trip. But to add to my surprise, my husband showed no difference in his behavior. Instead, he stayed aloof from me. He tried not to talk to me much or get close to me. And, love making or romance were absolutely nowhere in the picture. I was shocked. How can a guy be so indifferent with his wife? There were several questions going on in my mind. Does he have any other affair? Was the marriage forced on him? Does he love somebody else? Does he have any problem with me? But, unfortunately, I got no answer from him. I was completely clueless. I tried talking to him. But, there was absolutely no urge about anything from his end. And, it was then, when I broke down to tears. I simply freaked out. I was shattered. This is definitely not normal. I understood something is terribly wrong. I consulted few doctors and then understood that there are guys, who lack the ability to make love or have a healthy sexual life, often show these behavior. They simply try to avoid getting close in any way with the fear if the truth comes out. In medical terms, it is called impotency. However, this medical condition has some cure. I was quite relieved. I understood his problem.
I thought that may be his lifestyle, stress and profession are the major reasons for this situation. And, I decided to be with him and help him fight away this problem. But, when I spoke to him about this, he clearly denied. Instead, he spoke the above words arrogantly. Also, he refused to opt for any medical help as well. He also added that he simply doesn’t wish to grow his family. But, then I asked him that why did he get married? There was no answer. But, I was in desperate need of an answer. I tried convincing him that there’s no harm in seeking medical advice. I even assured him that it will be strictly personal and nobody will absolutely know anything about it. But, he remained very indifferent to this. I even told him that I wished to have a family in future. But, he simply didn’t care. He used to avoid me all the time.
Then I decided to opt for adoption. But, he didn’t care about it too. He was very reluctant to talk about our life. He didn’t care about me or my parents. He had absolutely no place for me. He married me. But, I was absolutely nowhere in his life. There was no romance, no communication, no care, no future, no “US“. On the whole, there was no LIFE. I even didn’t share this with anyone, not even with my parents. My parents have worked very hard to make me happy in my life. How can I tell them that their daughter is going through this?
Days passed by. Years passed by. Nothing changed. He still has absolutely no feelings for me. He whatsapps me once or twice monthly now. He doesn’t even bother about my survival and my existence. And, he is so much overwhelmed with his superiority complex with the fact that he is a research scholar has added more sorrows to my life. He simply doesn’t care.
And, what about me? I feel so helpless. I feel so scattered, so insecure. I still can’t accept the fact that I am married to an insensitive, callous, indifferent person, who doesn’t know how to treat his wife, how to behave with his wife, how to fulfill the responsibilities. He thinks himself to be one of the most educated chaps of the nation. But, is this what education teaches an individual? Do you think education makes a person insensitive robot with no feelings, commitment, love and sense of responsibilities? I don’t know where I am heading in my life. I am completely broken down. I have no further strength to gather myself.
This year it will be 5 year anniversary for my marriage. And, I am absolutely clueless about where I am heading. I have questioned myself several times that what am I doing with my life? What do I look forward to in my life? How can I lead my life with such an indifferent, reluctant crap? Finally I have revealed the entire scenario to both of our families. My parents were hysterical. They never expected that a guy will someday simply ruin their daughter’s life and not even realize it also. Their only daughter is going through so much pain. My parents advised me to go for mutual separation immediately.
However, despite being so much advancement in today’s society in our country, the typical taboos and stigmas involving Indian wedding still prevail. His family simply denied for mutual separation. Instead asked me to be their daughter-in-law even if their son fails to provide me with the basics of life as if my life has absolutely no value, no wishes, no dreams and no feelings. I pray to God to give me enough strength to fight with the situation. I understand that this is my life and I’ll definitely not let anyone ruin it. I am still giving him one more chance and some more time to improve and to fix my life. Hope he gets some sense and tries to improve the situation. Else I’ll definitely not hesitate to FIGHT FOR JUSTICE!!!