Divorce is not an easy thing to do but for many families, it is an inevitable event that has to be dealt with. The end of marriage results in various emotions that may include the feelings of anger, guilt, happiness, hurt, loneliness, sadness or may be a relief. The parties involved are likely to experience any of those feelings. As adults, it is sometimes very easy for them to look for their own outlet in order to unleash any negative feelings that they have. How about the children? How can these parents ensure that they can still go through a divorce while taking care of their children’s emotions at the same time? Children should not be treated like property nor should they be neglected the moment their parents decided to end the marriage. How can this be possible? Here are 5 tips for children to cope with divorce of parents.
1. Telling Them about Separation
To children, knowing that their parents are getting a divorce can mean different things depending on their age. A toddler or baby will definitely not understand them totally but may pick up from your sad tone and be frightened or confused by it. An older child might get worried a little but just the same, she/he will not yet understand. Parents simply have to talk to them. The conversation need not be very detailed. Give emphasis on the love that you have for your children as their parents. If you see that your child is blaming her/himself, tell him/her that the divorce is not the consequence of what she or he did in the past. Your love, honesty and warmth will help your children with the shift to a new kind of family.
Learn about how to deal with divorce smoothly.
2. Accepting their Reactions
It is very usual for Children to change their behavior immediately after the divorce. You should expect changes in how your children feel and behave. Although, how they react after the divorce does not foretell how they will be able to adjust to the situation later. There are children, who have an intense reaction to the divorce, but can very well adapt later on. There are also some, who appeared to have not cared at all about the divorce, but are not able to recover even after years had passed.
3. Avoid Fighting in Front of Them
If you think that a divorce or separation will remove the conflict and arguments that devastated your life, then think again! Even after the divorce, you might still have arguments with your ex, and just because the quarrels no longer happen in front of your kids do not mean they are not aware of it. Your behavior and forced politeness toward each other are indications of conflict that may affect the behavior, development and relationships of your children. If your children see you fighting with their other parents, they may experience problems with their own personal relationships. Seeing your hostility and anger can make it hard for them to maintain healthy relationships as they grow up. It may also cause them to have difficulty in trusting other people.
4. Don’t USE your Child to Punish your Ex-Spouse while Divorce
In order to establish a healthy emotional development, and adjust to the situation, regular visits with both of the parents are highly encouraged. It hurts the children when visitations are limited or stop completely. Remember, it is the two of you, who ended your relationship with each other, and not your kid with any of you two.
5. Seek Professional Advice
There are children, who go through the ordeal of parents’ separation with just a few problems, although there are some who find it very difficult to handle. It is normal for children to feel different emotions, but love, reassurance and time can help them to heal.
If your children remain overwhelmed by the situation, you may get a professional help. Jeff DeRoberts, a divorce lawyer in Syracuse, can help your kids understand the need for a divorce, the impacts of it and good things it can also bring to your family.